Posted on by janie

The Potential in the Pause

Looking out over the landscape, I see plans derailed like a massive train wreck, cars spilled in all directions. Some are huge: entire industries, like airlines and hotel chains. Others are smaller, but no less huge in their way: the senior trip, the anniversary cruise, the promotion, the book contract. The wholesale wreckage of plans leaves us stunned and confused, disappointed and devastated.

I had my own little plan, and now I’m as confused as anybody. Here’s how it started: twenty-one years ago we moved to five acres in the country because my husband was worried about Y2K (remember that?). I was less worried than he, but we found this place for cheap and bit off a renovation project that was a lot more than we could chew. Once the house was livable, we stayed and stayed.

After a few years, I decided I didn’t like this place. It has its charms, but nothing was very close, the only kind of internet connection we could get was dial-up, and after driving almost an hour to church (one way) once or twice a week, I was fed up. My husband felt differently, and let’s just say we had our disagreements.

Fast-forward about nineteen years, to 2018. We’re getting older—in fact, most people would call us old. My husband has just been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, which accords with my growing suspicions, and though it takes a while to convince him—and he’s not always convinced—he’s coming around to my conviction that we need to move. Five acres will soon be too much for us to keep up, and we need to be closer to services, doctors, and help from the church.

Fast-forward to 2019. I have a plan. This year I’m going to start clearing out the clutter, selling a few collectibles, lining up carpenters and plumbers to make some minor repairs and enhancements. During the first quarter of 2020 I’ll be repainting, window-washing, and carpet-cleaning so we can stick a For Sale sign in the front yard by May 1.

Jump to February 2020. Problems have come up: the antiquated septic system will need a major overhaul, and that’s never good news. Also, the real estate agent has done a price comparison, and the likely selling price is way off what I expected. I’ll have to do some re-figuring and scale back expectations for what we might be able to buy.

Then comes March: real estate grinds to a standstill and so does everything else.

I used to lie awake at night, or wake up with a sense of dread that I’m stuck here forever. So this is like a nightmare come true, except—

It turns out to be not such a nightmare.

This property is beautiful in the spring. My carpentry plans are on hold, but I rearranged some furniture and my office and bedroom feels almost like a new house. We’ve been doing more together, like clearing brush and cutting the grass. In the evenings we read to each other. We’ve been getting more exercise, enjoying the peppy bird songs and hopeful spring peepers near the pond. I put out some flowers last week. I find myself thinking, if we’re still here another year or two . . .

It will be okay.

I’ve heard that people are getting too comfortable with quarantine; that it’s going to be hard to hop back on the overscheduled merry-go-round. The longer we’re stalled, the slower recovery will be, so the merry-go-round is likely to crawl before it spins. We’ll have to adjust to new speeds for everything, including the real estate market. But for now, for me, it was good to slow down and watch the slow golden sunset over our Kelly-green property line. The time will come to move, and all the old problems will still be there, and we’ll have to deal with them, and it won’t be fun.

But I am not stuck. I am paused, like the peasant girl in Breton’s Song of the Lark (my cover picture). In music, the pauses matter as much as the notes; potential hovers within, like the Spirit of the Lord hovering over the waters (Gen. 1:2).  

Besides, on the other side of all this might be someone who’s looking for a quiet place in the country.

17 Replies to “The Potential in the Pause”

  1. How beautifully you express your wisdom, Janie! The entire post is a literary delight–especially the repeated “p” sounds punctuating “peppy bird songs and hopeful spring peepers near the pond”! What you wrote resonated with me on intellectual, emotional, and spiritual levels. Thanks for sharing your heart.

  2. I used to read your material years ago when I started home educating. This was encouraging to my heart. May God continue to bless you.

  3. Beautiful, Janie! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts! I appreciate you acknowledging the Holy Spirit”s role the changes in your thinking. I need all the reminders I can get!
    I have been watching for a “For Sale” to appear as I pass your place so now I will pray with you for the time when God pushes “Play” again.

  4. Janie, thank you for this encouragement. It is what I desperately needed to hear. I am struggling with many of the same things you are.

    We have been talking about selling our house and moving to a more carefree place and at the same time wanting to get away from the congestion around us. I want it more than Bob. We are close to commerce – in fact much of it walking distance. Driving and memory issues are still an issue even though CBD and coconut oil help, getting sugar and simple carbs out of our diets has been difficult. Our house needs some updates or repairs before we can list it. We have a long way to go with the de-cluttering. It is becoming very apparent that our do-it-yourself projects – the kind of things we have always done ourselves – are not going to happen. Neither is renting a space in an antique mall to sell all those things we bought at auctions for the purpose of doing that together.

    Please pray for us and we will pray for you. Getting older is not for the faint of heart is it?

    Thank you for the encouragement I always need that my life is in the right hands and I have absolutely nothing to fear and much to be thankful for. I must be still and trust in Him.

    Thank you friend. I miss you and think of you so often. Your friendship is a gift I treasure.
    Love,
    Michele
    Michele

    1. Michele: I’ve had the opposite problem, wanting to be within walking distance of everything. Driving to the nearest town is only 20 minutes but seems like such an imposition sometimes! And yet my heart is changing, in ways I never expected. I can’t explain it any other way than Holy-Spirit indwelling, and he is patient and gentle. Praying for you–

  5. Wow!!!! Wow!!!! Wow!!!!!! What an awesome awesome awesome God we serve! Truly His ways are not our ways but so much better! So grateful you did not take matters into your own hands. Wow! Thank You, Lord! Love you Janie! I love your husband and grateful for his gentle spirit as he goes through this with you by his side.

  9. Interesting post. My husband and I have just downsized to a townhouse. There’s no yard and this is perfect for me, because I was horrible about keeping up our backyard. If we weren’t in town, I would have bought goats and sheep to keep the grass down. I did have several guinea pigs whose pens I moved around a lot. Now I just have a small courtyard. I even weeded. I think they were weeds. They’re gone now, anyway.

    I do see God’s hand in this quarantine. A lot of us are connecting via social media and really communicating, not just posting cute photos of puppies.

    I also like that parents are now staying home and helping their children with school rather than seeing it solely the job of teachers. Maybe it will encourage more parents to do that after the quarantine has lifted.

    My son has been living in China for the past year and for a while he was stuck there because of the virus. But he doesn’t want to leave, he loves the Chinese people. He’s the only Christian he knows there, and it shows. Even without witnessing, people notice the difference between him and others. A light in the darkness.

    And it also offers me the opportunity to be a witness to my non believing friends and acquaintances here in the US. I know Who is in control and I have peace and they are troubled. They recognize that. God is using this to draw people to Himself.

    God bless!

    1. I agree, Sharon. There’s potential for great evil coming from this, but also great good. The challenge for Christians is the same as it’s always been:cultivating our gardens and waiting for the Lord.

  11. Well, I definitely needed this word of wisdom. If you had read my prayer to the Lord this morning, it was full of when, how, what and why? I am in a “pause” that started well before Covid 19, but I needed to be reminded that it’s OK to be paused. Thank you Jamie!

Leave a Reply