Here’s to the Patriarchy

Those days are behind us, they say, except when some irritating male trait pops up in the workplace or too many men gather around the hyper-masculine president while he’s signing a bill.  Patriarchy deserves no respect. The new definition is toxic masculinity, two words that tell you all you need to know about the proper way to think about what we used to call a “man’s man” or “all boy.”  It’s not that we’re down on men, just that they need to stop being men, for their own good.  “Toxic masculinity” is killing people, and the toxic males themselves are primary victims.  Studies show it’s a leading cause of suicide among Canadian men, and no doubt elsewhere in the western world.

What is it? The article linked above teases out the following factors: “winning, emotional control, risk-taking, violence, dominance, playboy, self-reliance, primacy of work, power over women, disdain for homosexuals.”  Telling boys to “man up” is a quick route to tearing them down.

I’m sure some boys are raised to this caricature; I’ve seen it in the movies and read about it in novels and memoirs.  Stereotypical men exist, or there would be no stereotype.  But some key elements are left out of this description, elements that round out the picture:

Solitary. What about comradeship, brothers-at-arms, or just good buddies?

Emotional control. I guess this refers to the “real men don’t cry” cliché.  But anger and fear are also emotions—shouldn’t they be controlled?

Risk-taking. Well, of course–where would we be without that?

Dominance. For most men, a better word might be competition.

Self-reliance.  As opposed to what—welfare reliance?

Power over women. In the past, well-brought-up boys were taught to use their power in defense of women.  And wise women understood their power over men as well.  It’s a subtle power, which is why it’s often overlooked, even squandered, by girls who aren’t taught to recognize it.

Maybe one reason for high suicide rates among men is that simple (non-toxic) masculinity is no longer affirmed or valued in an information-based, sedentary, air-conditioned, risk-averse culture. In fact it’s often mocked and disdained: Men have made a mess of things—it’s time for the women to take over.  Neither sex has a corner on virtue, so I’m not especially optimistic about a culture ruled by women.  Before saying goodbye to the patriarchy, however, here’s a partial list of what we owe to it, with gratitude toward the high-achievers, deep thinkers, bold adventurers, and everyday working stiffs who pulled on their boots every day and went out to do their part in all kinds of weather:

• Tall buildings (and short ones, too)
• Roads and railroads
• Steel and concrete
• Quarries
• Universities
• Philosophy
• Safe neighborhoods
• Banks
• Electrical grids
• Nations and governments
• Democracy
• Western civilization, based on Christianity, which introduced the idea of equality, liberty, and justice for all to the world.

It should go without saying that the patriarchy would have achieved none of this without a matriarchy to stabilize and civilize it.  Disbanding both seems like a wrong move.  Passive, dependent, powerless males may live longer, but I suspect their societies won’t.  Because there will always be men of the opposite type who will storm the gates once they know the virtuous men have been shamed out of their manhood.