“I’ve prayed about it and I feel at peace.”
Peace about what?
“About filing for divorce. No—he’s not abusive or neglectful; we just can’t agree about anything. We fight all the time and the kids are picking up on the tension. This isn’t what marriage is supposed to be about. He’s not going to lift a finger—of course—but if I file he won’t object.”
* * * * * * * * * *
“We’ve prayed about it, and it seems like the thing to do.”
What’s that?
“Leaving the church. Yes I know, it’s only been two years since we formally joined and stood up in front of the congregation and made those promises, but we aren’t happy with the way things are going. There’s also that one guy that really rubs us the wrong way . . . no, we can’t put our finger on why it is, but they made that guy an elder! We’re going to start looking around next Sunday.”
But remember, we prayed about it. It’s always good to pray . . . unless what you really mean is, We talked to God and decided we were all on the same page about what we should do. But God already has a page, and that’s the one we’re supposed to be on.
How often do you catch yourself trying to get Him to agree with what you want to do, rather than searching out what he wants, and then asking for faith to do it? Because—let’s face it—what he wants you to do is often going to be hard. Maybe so hard it seems impossible. Maybe you even know, way down deep, what God wants, but you personalize it or generalize it or rationalize it or hedge it around with so many qualifiers the central command is smothered.
I know God hates divorce, but— (the bills, the fights, the chill, the drag, the chain)
I know Christ loves his church but— (the leadership, the bad decisions, the misunderstandings)
If you find yourself rationalizing, the first thing to do is surgically remove that three-letter word BUT. The reason is because it opens the door to every excuse. So cut it off and kick it out. When it whimpers and scratches at the door, harden your heart. Expel the fatal conjunction, invite the conjunctive adverb:
I know God hates divorce. Therefore . . .
I know Christ loves his church. And so . . .
Yes, there are valid reasons to end a marriage or leave a church. If the reason is not so valid, prayer will not get God on your side. When not to pray:
- When you already know what the Bible says
- When you know your own will is leaning against what the Bible says
- When you’re fishing for justification for those inclinations
Don’t pray about what you already know. Pray for what you desperately need—the strength, faith, love, and determination to do it.
And in the situations above you should also be praying these words…..God help me be obedient, give me a humble repentent heart so I can behave your way……please help me sow to please your Holy Spirit instead of my flesh. The word says to always pray….so if we dont recognize our disobedience and pride, and other sin…..we cannot stop the thoughts and behaviours we are practicing that are creating the bad situations we are in.
How right you are about this! I’ve seen this used so often as an excuse to avoid something clearly in front of us that needs to be done (but does not look like fun) but can’t come up with an excuse that sounds biblical quite quickly enough. Amen to your writing. God will give strength to do what is right.
Well said! Overseeing folks who signed a covenant in joining and when they may take a stand like your Pray about it, helps knowing His Word never changes!